Have you ever seen two grown people searching feverishly for a small bag? Calls of Look in the pantry! I did! Look behind the backup flour and sugar! and I DID ALREADY! ring through the hall. In our family, creating food is our central addiction. Husband may say books are my dirty little secret, but I have dislodged many, many volumes from my stash since we met (dont look too closely at the basement storage room, those boxes I cant part with).
The food processor, ice cream maker, and KitchenAid mixer are three of my favorite objects. They do not sit on the counter to display any expertise, but are usually covered with schmutz, cords flung awry. These are working tools; metal machines with big motors. This is my version of Tool Time, and when seeing muscle machines I find myself drooling and muttering Gruh, gruh. But I am not a cooking wimp, given to throwing any little spice into my coffee grinder. I use the granite mortar and pestle as well, pounding and grinding, then mixing, cutting, and warming over a small flame (Toasting spices can be very effective, especially before pounding up). It is not just the consumption of our creations, these infusions into our body chemistry that we enjoy. Making food is a creative pursuit for us, and as Anthony Bourdain has said, an expression of love. Love for a process, materials, and ultimately the experience of sharing a meal. There is a reason home food is a term we associate with our mothers, fathers, aunts, and holidays. It is an expression of simple pleasure, and of love.
We do not have an orderly kitchen, but usually a clean one- a distinction people who like to cook, or have small children understand completely. The cycle of used dishes and pots is constant, and each new day brings cleanliness, clarity, creativity, then clutter. The cycle of addiction is truly hard to break.
Part of the reason the West has food and appearance issues is the weird juncture of the love of food and the crappy food we are marketed, and subsequently buy. The movement to buy food locally, and as organically as much as possible is one I applaud. I never used to like red meat much, and did a simple comparison test recently. Steaks of the same cut were purchased at almost even prices; one from the usual feed lot finished-cross country shipped- hormone stuffed-mega grocery chain bin, the other of the grass fed, pasture living, little drugs, recently butchered, organic variety courtesy of one of our local farmers market people. Husband, the defacto grill cook, cooked them rather rare and slapped them on a plate with a slight dusting of salt and pepper. I usually dont like rare meat. A few bites of each and it was clear: the local, happy cow was significantly better. I dont like the metallic taste red meat has, and it was missing entirely from the happy cow. The other steak was metallic tasting, and had a strange other flavor too. I am told the manipulations animals go through in our modern production (from embryo to flesh stripping) cycles creates high levels of stress hormones in the flesh that do not taste good. I believe it.
As a child we had a steady number of nine cows. One a year was hauled off to the local butcher (and usually one of the cows had a calf to replace it) and in return we got the standard small white packages with scrawled writing to identify the parts. The first bull Dad took away, Red, was a bit of a shock. Try explaining to a six year old where one of her favorite animals went, and expect some surprise. I did not speak to Dad for several days. It didnt help that I abhorred (and still do) liver. After waiting for what seemed an eternity for a meal one day during one of my growth spurts, Dad sauntered into the living room with a hunk of cooked meat in his hand, greedily taking bites out of it. This is that bull you wont eat. Mmmmm. Good steak. . .you want some? He hands me down the hunk, and I took a big bite. Bleah! I spit the bite out yelling, That wasnt steak- that was liver! He and mom laughed about that for years.
We had a garden, and every year it was more of a circus than an orderly enterprise. One year my previously urban mother planted rows and rows of melons, not realizing how they reproduced. Most rotted in the field, or were stealthily stacked next to the doors of friends and neighbors. One year all the corn fell over, and another year the onions all rotted. By contrast, moms baked goods were never in doubt. The granddaughter of a professional baker, she had picked up many of his ideas and skills. Her recipes are sparse notes, missing the changes and footnotes she held in her head, like most cooks. I have yet to have at any restaurant, bakery or home the equal of her cakes, pies, cookies, or especially, her éclairs. No matter how poor we were, she could manage to whip up an amazing dessert. It was as if, in the vast rural wasteland into which she found herself, she would create her own small, private oases of momentary bliss and offer them to us. Her offering of love. She wasnt always good at saying it, but she could show it. The battered red apple cookie jar was never empty, and now it sits proudly on my counter tempting my little boys with what lies hidden inside. It had been my Grandmothers, and she had given it to my mother. Love can come in the most subtle of ways, and remain in memory through the tokens we live with.
Of course the abundance of food we have in the US is a double-edged sword. There are enough articles clogging the newspapers about obesity (but dont look too closely at how the BMI index was created or how its used), and not enough about how to can veg and fruit, and eat locally. When talking to a fresh young Coop-extension agent recently, he admitted he knew little to nothing about the local food movement in all its manifestations, or organic produce and meats. Still worse, he came from a mega poultry and beef industry family in TX, and had learned nothing from his grand folks about the small doing, of raising food, processing it yourself, and keeping it. I find his educated, empty mind a travesty, if not a waste of my tax dollars.
We are not foodies who seek out the truly exotic. I get my highs from small things, like the basil fresh from my garden with my fresh red tomatoes (no cast iron tasteless rocks), or in winter the fresh rosemary that grows near the lavender bushes sprinkled on a locally obtained pork roast; or eating breakfast eggs from “happy” chickens, as our neighbor likes to call his crazy bug eating, free range dinosaurs. We share our tools, our materials, and the results with our friends. In kind, we have had the luck to taste real Korean fish stew, exquisite Japanese vegetable dishes, Thai carrot butterflies, a northern Indian curry, and other dishes I am not well versed in cooking, or know how to tweak myself. This is love: taste, experience, creativity, community, memory. Who wouldnt do unusual things for love: satisfy the addiction for sensation; slake thirst and hunger, while having substantive human connections? Remember that the next time the anonymous dealer who parades his wealth via TV ads entices you with the promise of crisp fries, or easy satiating. With just a little more effort, you could have so much more. One more trip to the local international food mart and Ill replenish my supplies. Ill scrounge my change dishes and get that small bag, that magic that will help transform the daily habits of life into bliss. Who needs big pharma or illicit drugs when we can cook?